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"God, I really can’t be around you right now."

When I started Breakfast With God, my number one aim was to be as honest and open about my walk with God with you. Selling any false ideas of perfection was never part of the plan.

In my not-so-long years as a Christian, one thing I’ve always believed is that it’s (very) okay to struggle. And over the past week, I’ve really struggled with God. I went from battling with feelings of emptiness and a general lack of enthusiasm, to dealing with difficult news and not being able to even speak to God. I distinctly remember saying to Him while I was driving home on Thursday, “I really can’t be around you right now.” It’s the first time in a long time that I literally felt separated from God.

You see, there are times in all our lives when we are going to feel lost, confused, abandoned, rejected, betrayed, used and misunderstood – Christian or not-really-sure-about-this-Jesus-thing. It’s part of the journey. In these times, I strongly believe that, hands down, the most useless thing to do is deny whatever you’re experiencing (I'm not saying feed it; I'm just saying don't pretend like it's not happening. That doesn't help anyone). Like an addiction, admitting that you have an issue is the first step.

The second most important thing is to remember to go to God exactly as you are. No pretense, no bull. God is not in love with some perfect idea of you; He loves the real, unrefined, flawed and ‘dented’ you. So much so that,

God showed His great love for [you], by sending Christ to die for [you] WHILE we were still sinners. (Romans 5:8)

I was tempted to stay away from church this Sunday, because I really didn’t want to put on my best Church Face and pretend as if it was all-good right now. Until I realised, I so don’t have to. With all my craziness and confusion, I can still go before God, and better still (NOTE TO SELF), hand all my issues over to Him. And so can you.



Kunmi x

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