I'm very critical of myself; overly critical, one person really close to me tells me at least once a week.
It's a good and terrible thing. On the one hand, my acute awareness of my flaws can leave me feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with myself; on the other, it drives me to better and better - because I know I can do and BE more.
Over the last few weeks, I realised something about myself I really hadn't noticed for most of my adult life (which isn't that long at all, actually.): I enjoy satisfying myself more than any Christian really should.
I love comfort, long, lazy weekends, and nice, tidy endings to my day. I love my day, week, life going according to (my) plan. I love when nothing and no one ruffles my schedule - whether that's giving someone a lift, which will take me off my usual route home, or having to take a bigger life detour.
It's mostly because I'm organised, and subconsciously proud enough to believe my plans are the best.
But, whatever the reason, as soon as I found out this truth about myself, I decided that I didn't want to live like that, and it was time to change that behaviour. And because God always knows exactly what my issue is and exactly what I need to hear, I also stumbled upon a great devotional message in that time period about training yourself not to see people and things you didn't plan as inconveniences (rather, as part of God's bigger plan), and truly surrendering all we have planned to God - to tweak, and change, and wipe out as He wishes.
It's really hard stuff; especially, when you have Life OCD like I do, but it's something I needed to understand, and more importantly - do. So, I set off on that journey.
However, this week, I realised it's much deeper than that; that I needed to go deeper than just brushing aside little inconveniences.
I realised the absolute necessity in my own life, at this very time, in this very season, to give up more of my time, energy and mind to people and things outside of myself.
That meant less chill time, less sleep time, less Snapchat time... whatever it would take to be a person that initiates real change; a vessel for God to use to transform; a person that lives a non-mediocre, comfy, tidy, inside-the-box life.
I needed to break out of my own comfort zone.
That means more one-on-one with God time, more Bible time, more time listening to other people, more time being what someone else needs.
Less of me; more and more of God. Seeing people the way God sees them. Begging God to replicate in me His heart for people.
So I got my butt up from bed, and started with this post that's long overdue, to be honest.
Are you sick of the four walls of your own comfort zone too? Ask God for all the help you need!
Kunmi x
It's a good and terrible thing. On the one hand, my acute awareness of my flaws can leave me feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with myself; on the other, it drives me to better and better - because I know I can do and BE more.
Over the last few weeks, I realised something about myself I really hadn't noticed for most of my adult life (which isn't that long at all, actually.): I enjoy satisfying myself more than any Christian really should.
I love comfort, long, lazy weekends, and nice, tidy endings to my day. I love my day, week, life going according to (my) plan. I love when nothing and no one ruffles my schedule - whether that's giving someone a lift, which will take me off my usual route home, or having to take a bigger life detour.
It's mostly because I'm organised, and subconsciously proud enough to believe my plans are the best.
But, whatever the reason, as soon as I found out this truth about myself, I decided that I didn't want to live like that, and it was time to change that behaviour. And because God always knows exactly what my issue is and exactly what I need to hear, I also stumbled upon a great devotional message in that time period about training yourself not to see people and things you didn't plan as inconveniences (rather, as part of God's bigger plan), and truly surrendering all we have planned to God - to tweak, and change, and wipe out as He wishes.
It's really hard stuff; especially, when you have Life OCD like I do, but it's something I needed to understand, and more importantly - do. So, I set off on that journey.
However, this week, I realised it's much deeper than that; that I needed to go deeper than just brushing aside little inconveniences.
I realised the absolute necessity in my own life, at this very time, in this very season, to give up more of my time, energy and mind to people and things outside of myself.
That meant less chill time, less sleep time, less Snapchat time... whatever it would take to be a person that initiates real change; a vessel for God to use to transform; a person that lives a non-mediocre, comfy, tidy, inside-the-box life.
I needed to break out of my own comfort zone.
That means more one-on-one with God time, more Bible time, more time listening to other people, more time being what someone else needs.
Less of me; more and more of God. Seeing people the way God sees them. Begging God to replicate in me His heart for people.
So I got my butt up from bed, and started with this post that's long overdue, to be honest.
Are you sick of the four walls of your own comfort zone too? Ask God for all the help you need!
Kunmi x
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