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How I Came to Understand the Very Thin Line Between Self-Worth and Pride

Recently, the Holy Spirit has been helping me understand that there is so much pride in me, and that if I continue to let it grow and fester, it will only lead to my own destruction.

You see, pride is a funny thing. It masks itself as self-respect; as self-worth; as knowing who you are and simply being confident in your own achievements. But sometimes, it's (a lot) more than that. The truth is, sometimes, we place ourselves on such a high pedestal and subconsciously glorify ourselves so much that we can't stand the thought of accepting anything less.

Let me put this quick disclaimer here: I don't believe in settling for just anything; that's not what this is about. I realised, with the help of the Holy Spirit, that I had gotten to the point where I despised the 'days of humble beginnings' my career was passing through; where I felt I was on a 'certain level' where I couldn't be treated any less than the best; where I was worried about what people would really think of me if I indulged in some 'lowly' tasks. 

But over the past couple of weeks, one silent whisper at a time, the Holy Spirit helped me see the error of my ways. He helped me understand that what I was feeling was not the need to maintain self-respect, but pride. I was looking to affirm my position; I was looking for validation in others; I was too bogged down by how things looked, appeared or would translate. I was forgetting that I didn't need permission from anyone to be who I knew I was already.

"Do not despise the days of little beginnings..." (Zechariah 4:10)

The truth is we aren't always going to get the respect, glory or appreciation we (actually) deserve in certain phases of our lives - and you and I just need to be okay with that. That doesn't make either of us any less who we are, or whose we are. I realise now that my heart has been full of pride to think otherwise.

Maybe you're going through some growing pains now. Maybe you're not where you thought you'd be or want to be. Maybe it's been crazy tough and getting out of bed to face the day is a struggle, everyday. I just want you to know this (which a lovely friend sent to me, this morning):

Don't be frustrated because things aren't happening as fast as you would like. Not every season is a growing season. Stay in faith and all will be well.

Amen.


Love,
Kunmi x

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